Here is your glimpse into the future. We aim to amuse and delight, however do keep in mind we made it all up so think twice before basing any life decisions on this stuff.
Do you want to write next week’s horoscopes? Frankly, we could use a break. Email your not-so-serious horoscopes to newmedia@esks.com and you may see it posted next week.
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AQUARIUS January 20 – February 18 Try not to get involved in a friend’s problem or it may suddenly become yours. They need to handle this one on their own. You can’t be worrying about the future of their team when your Green and Gold is progressing so nicely for 2016. |
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PISCES February 19 – March 20 Regardless of the sale price, avoid buying swag with horses on it — even if it will make everyone do the neigh-neigh. |
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ARIES March 21 – April 20 It’s time to hit the grocery store. Condiments and souvenir Co-Op Game Day Approved Reilly chips just wont cut it. |
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TAURUS April 21- – May 21 What happened in the past has nothing to do with what is happening now. So stop looking back to “the good old days” and put latest Bieber track on repeat. You know you want to. |
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GEMINI May 22 – June 21 Partners and loved ones have been rather demanding of you recently. Perhaps book a vacation before football season returns. It’s time for some you-time! |
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CANCER June 22 – July 23 It’s time to reward yourself. You done good kid. Jerseys are 40% off and, let’s face it, you look GREAT in Green and Gold. |
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LEO July 24 – August 23 No one likes to admit they did something wrong, but if you speak up now there will be no hard feelings. So, admit it, was it you who took the cookies from the cookie jar? |
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VIRGO August 24 – September 23 For the last little while you have been fearing the worst but over the next few days you will realize it was all in your head. This snow won’t actually last forever. Football WILL return! |
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LIBRA September 24 – October 23 You’ve been lucky. But, luck is only a part of the story. You are really good at what you do — being the BEST fans in the CFL. Take a bow. |
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SCORPIO October 24 – November 22 Your task today, and for the remainder of the month, is to put a name to what you desire most. What is it that drives you? Does it rhyme with “Scgrey Cup?” |
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SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22 Honesty is essential, even if it means you have to say something that might hurt a loved one’s feelings. Yes, you would love to go to your aunt’s birthday party but you are going to all Eskimos regular season games this year. #Priorities… |
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CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20 How much do you trust your loved ones? Enough to let them hold onto the season tickets you share this year? If you are absolutely convinced this is the right decision — and it IS a big one — then go for it. |