For three weeks now, we’ve ran the not-so-serious horoscope column here on ESKS.com. Lives have been changed! Not because of the horoscopes however — After all, they are made up to amuse and delight.
Do you want to write next week’s horoscopes? Frankly, we could use a break. Email your not-so-serious horoscopes to newmedia@esks.com and you may see it posted next week.
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AQUARIUS January 20 – February 18 Be careful what you say over the next 48 hours. If your words are anything less than 100 per cent accurate, it could cause you a lot of trouble – your friends may think you cheer for another team. #GreenAndGoldToTheCoreBaby |
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PISCES February 19 – March 20 You’ll want to get a task out of the way quickly this weekend, but the planets warn it is going to take longer than you expect. Don’t cut corners or leave it half-finished. That replica Grey Cup birthday cake must be Iron-Chef-perfect. |
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ARIES March 21 – April 20 You will meet someone who tries to dampen your spirits in the next couple of days. They will only succeed if you let them –so don’t let them. After all, you’re a champ with exquisite taste in football teams. |
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TAURUS April 21- – May 21 Ask Siri to beat box for you. Or, check out the guacamole song on YouTube. You’ll thank us later. Preferably on Twitter @EdmontonEsks. |
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GEMINI May 22 – June 21 Before you shake hands on a deal, make sure you know what it really entails. You have all weekends from July to December blocked out and nothing will come between you and an Esks game. |
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CANCER June 22 – July 23 Set your sights high and don’t settle for second best. Also, avoid anything in your wardrobe with red this week. |
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LEO July 24 – August 23 If you’re dieting remember carbs don’t count if you eat them while wearing Green and Gold … They actually do though so proceed with caution. |
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VIRGO August 24 – September 23 Better safe than sorry. Wear a football helmet for the next few days and look into belairdirect insurance. Your future self will thank you. |
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LIBRA September 24 – October 23 Venus and Neptune have aligned to allow you to come up with great ideas this week. Making a snow angel in your Eskimos bathing suit is not one of them. |
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SCORPIO October 24 – November 22 Scorpios rarely enjoy drawing attention to themselves and that’s good because you need to keep a low profile over the next 48 hours. Your friends are tired of your public touchdown dances. |
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SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22 You must put your own needs on hold for a while and do what you can to help friends and family. We suggest teaching them the Eskimos roster. #LifeSkill |
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CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20 Pay attention to what happens today and for the remainder of the week. Also pay attention your inner voice … Green or Gold, Green or Gold, Green or Gold… |