It’s the off-season so we here at ESKS.com decided to take a break from lovingly looking at the Grey Cup trophy to break out the crystal ball to see what the stars have to say.
Some will be thrilled. Others less so. Since we pretty much made it all up, try not to take it too seriously.
AQUARIUS
January 20 – February 18
You’ll feel angst this week. It’s important you recover your Zen by Thursday. If it’s not with the missing Tupperware lids or single socks, you can find inner peace by turning to your PVR –throw on an Esks game and cheer like it’s July.
PISCES
February 19 – March 20
Find a way to melt snow in large amounts. It won’t bring fame or fortune but you can swing by Commonwealth Stadium to get the field ready.
ARIES
March 21 – April 20
This week will bring you moments of happiness and great joy. Oh wait, that’s the 2016 football season. This week will be cool though.
TAURUS
April 21- – May 21
You’re a looker and everyone knows it. Pick up an Eskimos jersey at 50% off for season seat holders or 40% off for the general public to become unstoppable. (Jersey purchase does not actually impact stop-ability in any way.)
GEMINI
May 22 – June 21
Time to make yourself the mayor of your work place. The Mayor of Commonwealth would be proud.
CANCER
June 22 – July 23
Love is on the way. The next person you see in Eskimos gear is a keeper. #SwipeRight.
LEO
July 24 – August 23
You’re going to meet someone new soon-ish. If they’re an Esks fan, buy them a coffee at Tim Horton’s. If not, take them for coffee anyway and explain, in extreme detail, why they should be.
VIRGO
August 24 – September 23
Time to put yourself in the lap of luxury. You’re an Eskimos fan and deserve nothing less than the very best. If anyone disagrees, post meaningful song lyrics on Facebook to get your point across.
LIBRA
September 24 – October 23
The time has come. Take off the good luck shirt you wore when the Eskimos won the 103rd Grey Cup and place it in the laundry. Please dude – for real.
SCORPIO
October 24 – November 22
When life gives you lemons this week, put the lemons down and use those thumbs to visit @EdmontonEsks on Twitter.
SAGITTARIUS
November 23 – December 22
This week and every week is your lucky week because you were born in Grey Cup season. Enjoy it, champ.
CAPRICORN
December 23 – January 20
It’s time to show those closest to you how much you care. If those people include the Eskimos, the universe will gift you powerfully.